Just After Independence Day!

I said I was on vacation, but I hate not posting, so here's something. For the last and upcoming posts, remember the words 'satire' and 'parody', okay?
-Elliot

An undercover government agent, referred to here as Mr. Georges, astonished the country Wednesday when he broke into a government building to test the security in place. While undercover, Mr. Georges and his fellow agents not only succeeded in breaking into the undisclosed location, but proceeded to build a MacGyver-esque bomb in the bathroom. (They then proceeded to not blow anything up.) How did Mr. Georges and friends accomplish this feat? What does it mean for the security of our nation?

"While I cannot tell you what building we broke into, I can tell you that government buildings are riddled with security issues. I can also tell you how we broke in. The guy at the entrance, well, a kid who's an intern pretended to need to know about his job for school or something. Secretly, me and my buddies, we had filled his water bottle with powdered zolpidem. And we just waited for him to overdose himself, whilst learning a lot about our government! When that entrance guy was out [laughs] we all brought out the blow darts. (Probably hearkening back to Mr. Georges' days breaking up rowdy children's parties) After picking off all the key officers, we were able to shoot the rest of them. Once we got to the bathroom, we used the explosive properties of urinal cakes to build a bomb, a lot of people don't know this, along with paperclips, rubberbands, and sugarfree gum from the upstairs offices..."